Aliens, dead birds, cops, dancers and a sword fight

It all started with Horchata. Trying to mind our own business, Kristy, Melissa, and I went to an Hispanic establishment

for a nice refreshing Horchata. When we drove up I instantly knew something wasn't right. Either all the Mexicans had been abducted or they just couldn't spell. I'm going with the first idea. I was quiet. I didn't want to arouse any suspicion on just a hunch. The second sign that I was correct came moments later when we got our "Horchata." Knowing that some species of aliens are quite horrid with their abductees, I knew that this wasn't Horchata. In fact, it was the juice from the brains of the abducted Mexicans. Instead of partaking in the cannibalism, I threw my "Horchata" away, disgusted at the idea of drinking someone's thoughts. I wouldn't be able to understand them, they're in Spanish. We went to another Hispanic establishment and drank our Horchata with ease, knowing that there were no ideas floating around in it this time. Our troubles were over. Or were they? Everything I know about aliens is this: they kill birds,

they steal cable,

and they eat cellophane.

My understanding of this much more advanced civilization will soon be expanded further than I can understand. To make a long story short, we ran into the aliens again.

Turns out they are very nice people creatures. My misconceptions start at the Horchata. I was, indeed, correct in the fact that the Mexicans were abducted, but my fears of drinking Mexican brain juice was completely false. The truth is these aliens just aren't very good at making Horchata. They let us ride in their flying saucer.

They told us that they don't use flying saucers any more because they aren't fuel efficient. I called it a "UFO" and one stared at me firmly for a second and said, "It is not a UFO." Whatever that means. They use Econoline vans now. They showed us their big screen TV

in their econoline. They really like Vegi-tales. These extra-terrestrials are harmless to humans. They feel like we could live together in peace and harmony. But, they said, there is a problem with another species of alien. They are trying to take over the world. SUVs and cell-phones are the creation of these monsters. They need to be stopped. We told them we would help. The first mission: An alien posing as a bad dancer.

She needed to be stopped before she made the whole world vomit. We would need all the help we can get. Luckily, nearby, a quincenera

was taking place. We asked for their help. They drew their swords

and fell in to help. Hostages were locked in a hotel conference rooms

all over. Ok, so I'm bored writing this and I don't like it anymore. So if you just look at the pictures... sorry if you already read it. Anyways, I've decided that it doesn't matter how good I drive, police are always going to be out to get me. I was being a model citizen when I ran into a police blockade.

I stopped like I was supposed to. And the police man gave me a freakin' ticket for not having my drivers license. I went the speed limit the whole day! I stopped at every stop sign. I had no need of being pulled over. UGH!!! That just pissed me off again so I'm done writing. Instead of ringing up your food and swiping your card, some restaurants have decided that it is better if you do it yourself,

and charge you $1.50 to do it yourself, and call it an ATM. To see pics more pics from this lovely weekend, go to my gallery and the aliens are here.

Automated Response

Today I lost my phone. I feel naked without my phone. Really, what happened was I didn't put my phone in my pocket and I left it home. It got lonely. People tried to talk to it, but nobody would answer. My phone started to get upset. Just imagine, being left behind. A whole day. Almost 10 hours by yourself with nothing to do. And all because some idiot left you. All day you are steaming up inside ready to blow up at anything. Then, this person comes and pretends nothing is wrong. Just starts talking like nothing happened. Wouldn't you be mad? So it decided to not let me send text messages. This is not a very nice thing to do. Everytime I would try to send a message, it would say, "Can't send message. Try again later." Stupid phone. 611. (My phone knew I would do this.) An automated response system says, "Welcome... blah blah blah (spanish) ... Please tell us what is wrong" "My text messaging doesn't work" "Please say the last 4 digits of the primary account holders social security number or, 'I don't have it.'" "I don't have it" "Thank you... Please hold yadda yadda high volume yadda yadda ... (music) go to web yadda yadda (music) ... -9 minutes- (music) ... Hello? (Indian (India) accent) How may I help you?" During this time, on speakerphone, I tried to send another text message and I noticed that it isn't asking me who to send it to, it's asking for the service center number. Why? I don't know. "My text messaging doesn't work. And I need the service number." "Well you need to blah blah blah..." "I just need the number. I have my phone ready to put the number in." "Do you have another phone? Because you can't put the number in while you are talking." "No but I'm at a point on my phone to put it in. It is asking for the number. I want the number." "Ok, put a plus sign" "How do I do that?" "Hold down the '0' key" "It doesn't work" "That's because you are on the phone" "Ok tell me the number and I'll do it when I'm off the phone." So I get the number. The plus sign thing still doesn't work. All it does is put '0's across the screen. So I call back. Same thing except I'm irritated. I start to give the social number when she's talking... It pisses her off. She says that I need to tell her for verification so I said "No." I argue with a voice automation system for a little while and hang up. I try putting the number in without the "+" and it won't work. So I call '611' again. Same thing, except when it asks what is wrong, I say messaging no worky. And it starts to tell me how many text messages I've used. Then it starts going in to something else and asks if I want to continue. "Shut up!" And we argue again. "Please say yes or no, or press 1" So I hang up. When I'm rich, famous, all that good stuff, and I have a successfull business (dream sequence cue), I will never have voice automation or people from India (no offence to my Indian friends)." My text messaging works because I'm a freakin' genius and can argue with a voice automation system and navigate menus on my phone at the same time, regardless of what some Hindu guy thinks. P.S. Tejal, you are my favorite Indian.

at walmart last night,...

We went in to walmart and asked where the service desk was, and a nice young gentleman in his 60s pointed us in the right direction... but nobody was there so we waited ... and waited ... then i picked up the phone and pushed the "paging" button, "Customer needs assistance in Customer Service." Nobody came. Then the phone rang. So i picked it up. "Walmart." some lady left her tampons at a register. i said to bring her receipt in and they would take care of it. Still waiting... The restroom needs cleaning.

And waiting... so i looked at the phone - CSM 01... hmm... called it... a lady answered. she said the customer service desk was closed. I put a rubics cube

together. And I got paid in Jordanian money

to plug in a wireless router.

eye of boredom

Click on it to enlarge BTW... if anyone wants to see all the pictures ever posted on this blog, they are somewhat organized in a folder at http://justicart.homeunix.com/blog_pictures/

Today is Friday

My favorite song today is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance. I always hesitate to say I have a favorite anything because my favorite anything changes at random. An easy way for me to say something is my favorite is when I can't get it out of my head. I've been listening to this song all day in my head. Even when another song is playing, this song is still playing in my head. The only time this has happened before was when I woke up with "Caught A Light Sneeze" by Tori Amos playing in my head. Sometimes, when I'm building a house, and I forget my level, I'm always glad to know that I can use my laptop

as a level. If you don't believe me... click here. I took my car to get a flat tire fixed.

Two days later I took it back because if was flat again. I was going on a field trip with Shelley to Quala-T Imprints. On the way back to work, we saw a drunk armadillo.

Armadillos are weird critters. Where did they come from anyways?

Who am I?

One time when I was 17 I thought it would be cool to throw paintballs at my friend's car who drove parrallel along side me on the highway. He swerved and they went on two wheels for a good 50 ft. Another time I came up with the bright idea of building a pipe RPG bomb. We set it off at Ambers place and it went into the neighbors yard leaving a trail of smoke engulfing the entire neighborhood (got that one of film!) Another time I dressed up as a woman and layed in bed with Joe Hamblin pretending to have a cold for a cough syrup commerical. I also attended a white trash prom held in the backyard of a middle class suburban neighbore hood. It was equipt with a broken down 1956 Cadillac and oil pans laying everywhere. Then there was the time I had a car full of friends and decided to follow a white rabbit into a field. We ended up stuck up to the tires in mud and it took us a good hour or so to get out. Needless to say we were all covered in mud. One time I called Margaret a yeast infection. I was in the back-seat of the car with my usual crew going on no sleep for two days. It was funny. I also called Amber a bitch really loud in biology one day. Everyone looked at us. I think it's fun to make an ass out of yourself. I particularly get a chuckle when thinking about the times of the standard mini-van. I was only 16 but this was the car of all cars. I could drive that car around with all my friends in it and raise havoc on Waco every single weekend of our random highschool exsistance. I was the man! Who am I ? I am Justin. Creater of exciting fun and lovliness. I felt like putting spaces between my paragraphs today. Not sure why. Maybe it looks neater. I should tidy up my closet. It's truly a catastophy. I went to Walmart. Walmart is evil. I think it might be the devil in disguse. You go in with one thing in mind and come out spending more money than you thought you would. I'm a sucker for bargains and fireworks. Walmart should sell firworks. I really cannot spell very well either. ok bye

Gullibles Trabels Part IV

I just can't stop!

Gullibles Trabels Part III

Dear friend, Thanks for your response, kindly go through this message and send me all the required information to enable us proceed further. All I want you is to assist me in claiming this US$15M been deposited in our bank by the deceased person MR BRIAN CLAUDE.I want us to secure this fund and use it for a better investment instead of the management of our bank declaring it to the war college for purchasing of ammunitions that will be used for the destruction of lives and properties. You will be presented as the next of kin to the late depositor we will secure on your behalf every document to proof you a legitimate next of kin to the depositor MR BRIAN CLAUDE. An affidavit of claim will be obtained on your name from the Federal High Court here, which will present you as a legal next of kin, after we register and file a LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION on your favor in the probate. You will help to invest my share into a profitable business there in your Country. You are guaranteed 100% risk free involvement in this deal as I will be guiding you on every step to be taken, your presence here in Nigeria will not be needed before this fund will be transferred into the bank account that you will provide. All that is needed from you is your maximum assistance both morally and otherwise, and you are to act, as I will instruct you to do. Now for this transaction to come true, send to me the requested informations as stated in my previous mail (proposal) and also listed below: Full Your address Phone and fax numbers bank name and address Swift/sorting code or Routing number Account number Account beneficiary's name. For us to see a hitch free one, it goes thus: (1) Confidentiality: This is highly needed thereby keeping sealed lip in every step taken; you should not disclose this business to anybody until the money is confirmed in your account. I will be in your country with the original documents covering the money before the money get to your account, then we can be able to go into sharing of the money tentatively and you will introduce me to a lucrative business in your country were my share will be invested. (2) Terms and Conditions: For rendering these services, Once again I have resolved that 40% of the total sum will be given to you, 60% will be for me, we shall deduct all expenses local and international before final sharing of the money. (3) Constant Communication: You should always get in touch with me to know the next step to be taken However, to know the progress of the deal. (4) Co-operation: You should act accordingly thereby working like a team to achieve success in this deal. My friend, I am giving you trust in this deal and promise that you will not me disappoint in any form, you should also trust me and act as I instruct you. I will want you to send to me very urgent the above-mentioned info after reading this mail. Feel free to contact me on this private tel number 234-803-747 577 for more oral clarification, this deal desires utmost confidentiality; please make sure that you call me today as soon as you received this mail. God bless you and waiting to hear from you make sure that you send your next mail via this address only. Yours faithfully, Mr. Don Obi Tel: 234-803-747 577

Gullibles Trabels Part II

So, periodically, I open junk email, just for fun, when I know it is a scam. I like thinking that I am smarter than most people. I know I'm not, but if I don't fall for something that a lot of people will, it seems like it. Here is a fun one. Subject: I NEED YOUR HELP Dear friend, This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. The message could be strange but real if you pay some attention to it. I could have notified you about it at least for the sake of your integrity. Please accept my sincere apologies. In bringing this message of goodwill to you, I have to say that I have no intentions of causing you any pains. I am Dr.Don Obi, Branch Manager, First Atlantic of Nigeria. I managed to get your contact details through the Internet myself. Time is of the importance and I am desperately looking for a person to assist me in this confidential business. A British oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Claude Brian made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit on June 6, 1999, valued at US$15,000,000.00 (Fifteen Million Dollars), for twelve (12) calender months in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Claude Brian died from an automobile accident. On further nvestigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Bishop Claude Brain did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$15,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Bishop Claude Brian so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the service of two lawyers for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately . Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details athat will help you understand the transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country. Awaiting your urgent reply via email (removed to protect the innocent)@yahoo.de Thanks and regards. Dr. Don Obi

Gullibles Trabels

:Large Pictures Warning: Please be patient Ok, so there's this Mexican... his name is Rod.

He complained because the only picture I have of him was in the background of a picture of a bunch of other people, including Fred. Yay Fred. The only reason he gets highlighted in two blogs in a row is to allow him a fair picture posting. So, cemetery's are pretty cool. Especially at night with a little mist in the air. There was this angel, life sized, crying.

Why was she crying? Is she sad that the person died? Because don't angels know what is coming to them? Or, Kat thinks

that they might be demons, sad that the person lived a good life. All I know is, angels, wether good or bad, they all have big feet.

Speaking of bowling, Lisa is sooo good that she can bowl 2 lanes at the same time.

Ok, yes, both of them went into the right gutter of their respective lanes. Now... what's with gullibility? How many times do you get an email that is so stupid that it makes you wonder how many people fall for it? Like, "the government has this new email tracking and if you send this email to 10 people, Abercrombie and Fitch will send you a gajillian dollars..." Well, at least the person that sent it to you fell for it, so someone out there is gullible. How about when they put pictures on it... It has to be believable, right? Pictures don't lie? So, this girl sent me this email... It's a pretty funny picture.

But I am not fooled... I see Photoshop written all over it. First, the eyes are on the wrong side, second, the eyebrows would have stretched, third, that's just dumb. The caption said, "Can you do this?" I decided to try it. About 5 minutes later, here you go.

For any gullible people out there... I am not a freak. I did not perform the hideous act of stretching my face in a contorted way. Have a nice day.

she shels by the she shore

So there's this Mexican... his name is Rod.

When we went bowling the other day... he got a 185.

That's pretty good, right? I got a 118. Here is Julie's Room.

So, the other day at work, Shelley pushed me around

on the dolly. Shelley is funny. I call her Shelby because when she signs her name, the last 'l' and the last 'e' blend together to make a cursive 'b.' She thinks that it is quite odd that the "Classic Colors"

of markers comes with gray. I think that it should be spelled grey. Speaking of "The Bachelor"... (just play along) ... as you could see in the Ad in this last Thursdays paper,

there was an open casting call for "The Bachelor." I took pictures.

The very first picture I took was of Laura taking a picture of me.

Cliche picture? Yes. I am glad I work for an ABC affiliate, which makes me ineligible to play "The Bachelor" game. Since I really want to be on it, surrounded by slutty whores beautiful women with great personalities

all day. I guess I'm the most ineligible bachelor. I had roses.

I wanted to give one to this girl...

she was supposed to be my wife. If you are tilting your head, then you definitely know she's hot. Lisa was there for one two purposes. To feel the "Bachelor" wannabe's muscles, and to find a wife husband.

This is another one of her husbands.

I went into Victoria's Secret to hand out applications. Our stage was set up right outside Victoria's Secret.

There were lot's of people and things to take pictures of outside Victoria's Secret. Like Austin with the Pretzel Man.

Old men wearing white shorts, no socks, and black penny-loafers.

Ugh! And a Mexi-mullet.

I think Rod should grow out a mullet so we can call him Mexi-Mullet-Man. Shel Silverstein writes some cool stuff, right? But have you heard him read it? He's scary. Here's a good one -> click here.