Rabbit Food

I like carrots. Especially "baby" carrots. The ones that aren't really "baby" carrots, they're just "adult" carrots cut into little cute pieces with all the nutrients shaved off to be more pleasing. I like them. Twenty-five years of eating them and I see worse. I don't, however, like it when someone dangles a carrot from a string in front of me. Here, take it. You know you want it. Eat it. It's good. Mmm, you want it? Can't have it!!! And they yank it away as soon as you go for it. I'm not a turtle. I don't need you to dangle a carrot in front of me to get me to move. I can move by myself. Especially if you are just going to take it away from me and toy with my emotions. I don't like carrot cake. If you were to dangle carrot cake in front of me, I might go for it, but as soon as you take it away, I wouldn't care. I'll eat carrot cake if it's there. I'm not going out of my way for it. But carrots. Mmm, do I love carrots. STOP TAKING THEM FROM ME!!! I definitely don't like spinach. Spinach will make me go the other way.

St. Olaf's Lutheran Church Revisited

Originally posted November 1, 2004:

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A ghostly congregation fills this deserted church. Their voices and singing are often reported in the empty building which was constructed in 1886 and abandonded in 1927 when another church was constructed closer to town.

This site was investigated in 1977. Everyone present could hear the eerie voices, though nothing turned up on tape.

According to legend, if you enter the church and sing Psalm 56 you will hear angry Norwegian voices coming from the neighboring cemetery.

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Another crusade.

Not a Drop to Drink

So Dasani has new water. Just when you thought we couldn't have new bottled water. In fact, just to be sure we didn't get the new water and the old water mixed up, they took my bottled water out of the machine. I want water. But no... I have to have their new fancy water. With lemon in it. Or raspberry. OR PUKE!! I tried the lemon, because despite the lack of real water, I was still thirsty. I figured it would just have a hint of lemon, like when they put lemon in your glass at a restaurant. But no... It tastes like watered down lemon gatorade, which is already watered down. I had to force myself to drink all of it. It became painful to drink water. Why must they change my water? I want it back. But the lady in the cafeteria gave me free fries. I'm over it now. click

Short People

Now I'm a fairly short person. I really get tired of these tall guys pushing me around like they don't see me. Don't they know it's not fun looking up people's noses? I mean, come on... use a tissue now and then. And stop treating me like a little kid! I'm 25! Sure, I may have to shop in the youth section, but I'm old! Heck of a lot older than you! What's with this "hello there little fella" crap? You wanna fight? There is a major advantage to being small. Big oofs are just plain slow. All that mass and you can't catch me. You're just a big slow oof. Look down guys. Look down, ... Look down and live.

Sho-gunn'ed

Today a man chased me around Men's Wearhouse with a measuring tape. He caught me. My friend Knick called and told me that he was getting married. Poor fella. Maybe I'm just jealously bitter. So I say to Knick, well, I just got engaged yesterday. Wanna talk to my fiance? So I hand the phone to Sonia. She starts talking to him in Farsi and says at the end, "uh, justin, i love, yes." I get the phone back and tell him that she doesn't speak much English, I got her in the mail yesterday. She's my Iranian mail-order-bride. Being in an experimental mood, I went to a restaurant with Brandon. It was a sushi bar. Being the unexperimental person that I am, I've never had real sushi. I tend to get what I always get, eat what I always eat, and be happy with the tried and true. Nah, not this time. I got something that I don't know what it is. Very bad Engrish probably on that last sentence. So we're sitting there and Brandon says, maybe we should ask what it is. If I ask what it is, I won't get it because I wouldn't want to try it. So we ordered the same thing. A little while later, this guy was at a counter making some food. It looked like he had cut a leaf and made a decoration out of it and put it on the food. There was a vase with flowers in it and what looked like the same leaf. So we joked that the guy was getting bored with his job and was experimenting to see what kind of random things he could put on peoples dish and still have them eat it. The the lady brought it to us. It was ours. If I had know what I ordered looked like this I would have not ordered it. So we asked the lady how to eat it. She was amused.

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I Have a Dream

My best friend, Amber, and I were walking out of a large white house. It was a two story house. As we were walking to my car, I hit the button on my remote keyless entry to unlock the doors. It wasn't my car. I hit the button again. I could see the lights flash. It seemed like it was coming from all around. Every car looked like it was flashing. And they were all white! I though I saw the actual lights flash on a car. So we walked up to it and it wasn't it. Nowhere to be found was my car. The lights seemed to be coming from all around. The we found it. It was down a little drop-off in the drive-way. I guess we went home then.

When I was old

I was grumpy. I always forgot names of people I know. I didn't have alzheimers, but I pretended I did. I didn't remember if I had lunch yet or not. I used to eat twice for lunch because I liked the jello. If I talked, it was always too loud and annoying. EHH!?? WHAT'D YOU SAY!??! I couldn't hear. EHH!?!? I always talked about the war even though I wasn't in any war. It's what you have to do when you're old. My face had a permanent frown. Probably from being grumpy all the time. Can't walk without my walker. I always tried to get the pretty nurses to help me. It was fun being old. It's time for my nap.