Washed the Spider Out
So, there's this spider. His name is Henry. Henry and I have this relationship of trust thing going on. See... it all started many years ago...
(begin flashback sequence)
Every night (or so it seemed) I would come home and walk to the back door and be attacked
by a spider web strung right across the path. Stupid spider, I'd always say as I spasmatically pulled spider web out of my hair. Eventually, being human and capable of learning, I'd walk back with my arm in front of my face. Every spider web built across my path, I'd destroy. This must have sucked for Mr. Spider. Imagine spending such a long time going back and forth across this path to make this beautiful web, knowing that all kinds of insects would be traveling right thru this path. But you forgot about me, idiot. I don't like you making webs across my path. Then, imaging this spider crying because some stupid human knocked his net down. Imagine his family when he goes home to tell them that there'll be no food tonight. No roast moth. No pickled junebug. Just dirt. Eventually, being arachnid and capable of learning, he would build his web a little bit higher.
At least 6 foot 3 inches off the ground so the most careless idiots would walk by unknowing to themselves that they nearly escaped immediate incapacitation. Imagine the looks on all 5,000 kids faces when daddy brings home a real live moth, the size of a quarter, enough to feed them all. What joy they'll feel. So the trust. Henry knows that if he builds his web high enough, I won't bother him. I know that if I don't bother him, he'll build his web high enough, and I won't bother him, so he'll build his web... Yesterday... in comes another spider. Imagine Henry's horror. It was the look on the face of K-mart when Wal-mart moved in across the corner. When Henry built his web, high above the path, another spider jumped at the chance and took this prime real-estate, right in the middle of the path. Henry knew what was going to happen. "Excuse me, but, uh,.. I wouldn't.." But he kept his silence, knowing that if he keeps his side of the bargain, I'll keep mine. As soon as I stepped onto the path, I saw him. He was sitting there all snug waiting for his next meal. But this was my path. I would have none of this. I destroyed his nights achievement in less than 3 consecutive seconds. I looked up to Henry and said, "Goodnight," and went to bed.
Tonight, at common grounds, this big oof
walked around the corner carrying his laptop like his woman,
by the screen.
by a spider web strung right across the path. Stupid spider, I'd always say as I spasmatically pulled spider web out of my hair. Eventually, being human and capable of learning, I'd walk back with my arm in front of my face. Every spider web built across my path, I'd destroy. This must have sucked for Mr. Spider. Imagine spending such a long time going back and forth across this path to make this beautiful web, knowing that all kinds of insects would be traveling right thru this path. But you forgot about me, idiot. I don't like you making webs across my path. Then, imaging this spider crying because some stupid human knocked his net down. Imagine his family when he goes home to tell them that there'll be no food tonight. No roast moth. No pickled junebug. Just dirt. Eventually, being arachnid and capable of learning, he would build his web a little bit higher.
At least 6 foot 3 inches off the ground so the most careless idiots would walk by unknowing to themselves that they nearly escaped immediate incapacitation. Imagine the looks on all 5,000 kids faces when daddy brings home a real live moth, the size of a quarter, enough to feed them all. What joy they'll feel. So the trust. Henry knows that if he builds his web high enough, I won't bother him. I know that if I don't bother him, he'll build his web high enough, and I won't bother him, so he'll build his web... Yesterday... in comes another spider. Imagine Henry's horror. It was the look on the face of K-mart when Wal-mart moved in across the corner. When Henry built his web, high above the path, another spider jumped at the chance and took this prime real-estate, right in the middle of the path. Henry knew what was going to happen. "Excuse me, but, uh,.. I wouldn't.." But he kept his silence, knowing that if he keeps his side of the bargain, I'll keep mine. As soon as I stepped onto the path, I saw him. He was sitting there all snug waiting for his next meal. But this was my path. I would have none of this. I destroyed his nights achievement in less than 3 consecutive seconds. I looked up to Henry and said, "Goodnight," and went to bed.
Tonight, at common grounds, this big oof
walked around the corner carrying his laptop like his woman,
by the screen.
posted by Justin at
7/13/2005 12:23:00 AM
3 Comments:
I related this tidbit to you inperson, at work, but you wanted me to comment. But I think your cave-blogger is the same who runs the controversial BaylorTruth.com blog. A friend of a friend snapped a pic of him while posting at Common Grounds. Out of respect(?) he only got a picture opf this dude's back, so I can't be entirely, completely sure, but I'm thinkin' their the same person. Click my name for the link...
-----j
haha you make me laugh.
You are so kind to nature, Justin...the conservationist will be happy.
P.S. I love that you have named the spider--it's like he's almost a pet now.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home